Making little steps

The last few weeks have been very up and down for me. I seem to have gone backwards and my emotions are running amok.

When my husband was dying he knew that a big funeral was going to be out of the question because of COVID, but little did we know for how long. He said that we should arrange a party in the sun so that all his friends could come and celebrate his life.

Dick loved the sun and sitting in a chair in the garden soaking it up. Talking to the grandchildren over the garden fence was a highlight when they were playing in the garden. ‘How’s your day been grandad’.

This year has run away with us and a few weeks ago I decided I had to organise a ‘do’ for him before the good weather completely disappears. Invitations have gone out to old workmates, friends and all our family and the plan is to have a tea party in the garden, raise a glass and hopefully remember all the fantastic things that happened over his life and our time together.

Trouble is I’m now full of anxiety and my emotions are up and down all the time. My trips to Hinton Burial Park are really important to me and I will continue to go regularly until I feel the time is right to try to do other things.

Going out on walks isn’t so important at the moment. You don’t need to go far to observe birds and wildlife and I’m certainly enjoying some of the sights I have seen even during my trips to Hinton. The Park is a wonderful setting to see birds of all sorts including woodpeckers, kestrels and buzzards. I’ve watched two buzzards flying low between the trees on the edges of a recently mowed field and a buzzard even flew through the wood as I walked down one of the paths the other day.

I occasional go out for a walk to the Marsh, but I really have to push myself to go, and I made a flying visit to see the peregrines too.

I have developed a new obsession with litter picking which is providing me with exercise, a feeling of well-being and a way of filling some time. It even provides a little entertainment, as I was accompanied by a running, squealing pig in the forest at the weekend. It’s the time of year where pigs are let loose on the forest to eat the acorns and this pig had seemingly got separated from his family and was desperately running about trying to find them. I waved my arms around to alert the traffic that there was a dangerous situation and the cars stopped to allow the pig to run across the road. A few minutes later it ran back from a wood and crossed the road again, eventually meeting up with another pig back where it started.

It’s nice to know I can still find enjoyment in life and that I can laugh, especially at a squealing pig.